When I said “I do” he was just a regular guy doing a kind of regular job in the civilian world.  I was raised an Army brat.  I should have known it was in my DNA.  There are generations of military veterans on both sides of my family line.  I was born in the Panama Canal Zone, and lived and travelled all over the world with a helicopter pilot for a dad.

Less than a year later, my husband and I were separated while he went to Boot Camp. This was the beginning.  We have been in the Army for fourteen years now.  We have traveled around the world and plan to continue doing so.  It is not an easy life.  What mom likes to explain to her children that they won’t see daddy again for fifteen months?  What woman likes to play mom and dad and have all the responsibilities loaded on her shoulder?  We have “deployment babies” and I’ve delivered children around the globe.  Then we pick up and move to the next duty station.  

I support my husband in his vocation and through it all here are eleven things I’ve learned as an Army wife.

God first

Psalms 46: 10 it says, “Be still, and know that I am God…”  He may not take you out of the situation, but He can help you change your perspective of it.  I’ve learned to always put God first and the rest takes care of itself.

You Second

There is only 24 hours in a day, 8 of which are spent sleeping.  That leaves us 16 hours to play, work and relax.  Housework never goes away.  Children grow quickly, yes, but we do need time to refill our cups and replenish our emotional supply ~especially when you are doing things on your own! Never in history has anyone ever finished everything so give yourself permission to let it go long enough to fill your cup.

Studies have shown that mothers who are depressed are very likely to have children with lifelong depression issues.  This is due to the fact that children are directly affected by their parents.  The parents are also an example on how to live life.  It is important to take care of our bodies and minds and then demonstrate to our children how to create a life with things to look forward to.  Children will learn that it is a personal responsibility to create our own happiness amidst our trials.

There is nothing like being outdoors and breathing in the fresh air, no matter the weather.  It is an instant mood lift.  Even opening the windows and getting a cross breeze in the house can instantly uplift you.  Going on a walk or a run in the great outdoors always uplifts the mood and clears your mind.  Not to mention it can help you shape that body into something to be proud of.

I Learned to be Productive

Not to just be “busy” but productive while my husband is away or when I’m trying to wait patiently for the next move to a new and exciting place.  Busy-ness is like running around like a chicken with your head cut off and really not getting things done that you want to.  Production is accomplishing a considerable amount of tasks while keeping the most important things in mind (like family time).  Learning the difference between the two words and then learning to make good use of my time were invaluable lessons.

How to Be Mom and Dad

My kids still remind me of the song I sing to them each night before they went to sleep whenever my husband is gone.  It doesn’t matter how long; he can be gone three weeks or fifteen months.  The lyrics are: “Daddy oh daddy is going away on a mission.  Heavenly Father is happy about it I know.  He won’t be here for our birthdays and such.  And when its Christmas we’ll miss him so much.  But we’ll write letters and we’ll keep in touch all the while.” (I based the words from the song Grandma and Grandpa by Janeen Brady.)  It’s not easy, but I’ve learned to be sensitive to everyone’s needs and include my husband in everything we can.  We do family calls or discussions by Webcam or telephone. We try to stay on the same chapters in the scriptures, etc.

How to make a relationship Work Even from a distance

You can have your cake and eat it too.  Just because you are a well-seasoned married couple, doesn’t mean we need to give up on trying to please and impress each other. Seeing your husband off and on throughout your marriage is hard, but can be fun too.  It’s fun to meet at the airport dressed up for a date before you take him home to the kids.  

We both try hard to always keep the lines of communication open whether by phone, email, webcam, and yes- old-fashioned letters.

Be Patient it will pass

“Hurry up and Wait” is a common phrase for common occurrences regarding life in the military.  After making the long trek across the ocean to Germany with four grouchy, tired kids we hoped to get to our destination in Schweinfurt within a couple of hours.  Jet lag had kicked in for everyone despite the beautiful sunrise that cold morning in Frankfurt, Germany.  We were bused, not to Schweinfurt, but to a holding area.  Dozens of military families waited around in an old building while they made sure some of the soldiers assignments hadn’t changed.  I only remember struggling to keep my eyes open those six long hours.  We finally got on the road and made it that night to Schweinfurt where we then had to wait for my husband and his sponsor to sign him in and get us temporary quarters.   Sleep that night never felt so good.  

Military or the “Mission” is first, family is second…it’s easier to comply than work against it.

When your tensions are raging the best place to go is the gym to work out.  There are always free gyms on military posts and spouses can go too.

Be Prepared: You Never Know….

You never know when you will need important paperwork. I’ve learned to keep these things current and accounted for: Power of Attorney, Wills, Living Wills, Passports, SSN cards, shot records, birth certificates, etc.  While my husband has been away at various Army schools or the “Sandbox” {another name for deployment} I purchased a new home, two vehicles, and had two babies by myself.

Being prepared in other ways is imperative too.  72 Hour kits, food storage, etc. are all important.  Food storage is hard for transient families, but here are tips.

Always Make Family a Priority

You never know what tomorrow will bring.  Time flies by in the blink of an eye.  Make everyday count.  I always try to create meaningful trips (even free local trips), experiences, or set aside time where we can be together.  When my husband is gone this is still as important.

Along these lines OPSEC {Operation Security} is imperative for the safety of my husband’s life and also the lives of his fellow soldiers.  Never give important information of when and where my husband’s unit is deployed to.  Safety first!

You can do anything you put your mind to

You are only as strong as you think.  You are only as strong as you are determined to be.

I’ve learned things like how to pack a household quickly and efficiently for a DITY (Do It Yourself) move or for large moves overseas.  I’ve learned that with a little dedication I can learn anything from how to drive in Europe, pass a European driving test, learn a new language- at least enough to be able to order food {Jager Schnitzel, bitta!} and ask for the bathroom {Wo ist das toiletten?}, and be without your husband for lengths of time you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.  After going through so many trying times I feel like I can climb mountains.

I’ve also learned how to make quick, healthy meals for a lot of people.  You never know who’s coming to dinner, especially when the men are deployed and a girlfriend needs a break.  I’ve learned how to eat cheaply all over the world. In Europe they charge you for water…bring your own or plan on drinking one drink only if you want to save some Euro.  

Know Your American Rights

This is huge.  Many people today don’t even know their basic sovereign rights.  I am still studying, but I’m an advocate of preserving and protecting your own rights.  If you don’t know what they are, people will try to make you think you can’t do things or force you to do things you don’t agree with.  Learn the constitution.  My husband is putting his life on the line for it.

How to make friends and how to say good-bye

Saying good-bye is never easy.  I have to say we have more of an advantage today with cell phones, facebook, webcam, and email.  Good-byes have become easier each time.  We spend a week or so reminiscing and then I tell the kids it’s time to move forward, but we’ll keep in touch.

Making new friends is a favorite thing for me to do.  I love meeting people and finding things I have in common with them.  I look for people who can teach me new things and who I can share wisdom with as well.  I look for people with common interests but always keep my options open for God to put a friend in my life that I might not have thought of at first.  

Being in the military it is common to run into friends from duty stations as we move around the world.  I love this.  It makes transition a little bit easier.

I confess, I’m better at some of these than others.  Our military career isn’t over yet and I expect more moves in the future.  I’m thankful for the hardy woman I’ve become from the lessons learned as an Army wife.